creative faery

Compose

I was intrigued by the Sunday Scribblings' word:  compose

It iliicits so many elite images in my mind as a conductor leading his orchestra.  How all the musical pieces and instruments must work together to create the perfection that provokes an audience to feel an emotion.

For me, compose contains images of grandeur, acts of pure rushes of creativity.

When you imagine Mozart composing, it seems like an act of feverishly writing notes down as quickly as possible because his mind won't let him rest.

When composing a poem, one line or a sonnet, the music persists until the poet is exhausted.

I never realized untiil today how much power this simple word contains...and yet, when you think of someone composed, you don't think of them as powerful, just able to restrain and creatively find ways in which to keep themselves in check in ways many of us have never thought.but imagine in acts of pure fury or angst, what creativity it might take to "remain" composed in a heated situation...

Ahhhhh, yes...I hear the melodies in my mind now...melodies of notes...melodies of words...melodies of paint swish swishing on the canvas...melodies of click clicking of the camera, composing a masterpiece, because the master MUST!

Passion

This week I saw a passionate art Student break down in our drawing class with a broken heart, tears streaming profusely down her cheeks.  Why did she cry?  Because we had 30 minutes left in our class and her drawing wasn't proportionate.  She wanted so much to succeed to get the praise she knew she earned to "get it" whatever "it" was in that particular assignment.  She reminded me of my oldest daughter, so full of life, where everything is either really great or really sucks.   To live with someone this passionate is a roller coaster...but it also makes life sweet...because when you get on the thrill ride, you are reminded of what life is all about, and just for a moment, you want to BE them, you want to live vicariously through them; you want to feel that jolt systematically move through your body and and shock you back to living.  People like my daughter and this art student "go for it" with gusto.  It's all or nothing baby!  And these are the people of the world who invent  or create and beautify our world - like building an airplane for their own thrill and making it possible for others to visit families far away or see amazing wonders of the world; or who run marathons to feel the exhilaration of saying you finished something difficult; who paint masterpieces on the ceilings of chapels for generations to come to marvel at; and who speak for and live peace.  Passion turns some people off because they're afraid of all that emotion; but I delight and marvel at those who have it because they make a difference in the world.

You can read other posts about passion on Sunday Scribblings.

Sunday Scribblings and Sunday Blessings

This weeks word for Sunday Scribblings is competition.   This is a word that brings out the evil in people.  Being a teacher, I know that I get a lot more from my students with cooperaiton than competition. 

Competition keeps a person centered on "me, me, me" or "I, I, I"  and not a common goal or purpose, "we,we,we."  When I design a game or activity that has cooperation, the results would astound you.  There is a sense of accomplishment for every member of every team...there is a sense of "I can" and "We can," and everyone feels worthy.  If something is designed as a competition, the results are hurt feelings, hitting and fighting.  It makes me sad and makes me hurt all over.  About the only time I will design a competition, is when I play a game called BEAT THE TEACHER...and in the end, it's still a cooperation game, because the overall goal is for all of them to work together to beat me at a language game or math game or some other fun thing I've put together.  After all, to survive in this world happily, and with integrity and value, it is key to have teamwork.

Now, on to my blessings!  Kelci came home this weekend for a month.  She looks so happy and confident.  I'm so proud of her!  School is good for her.  I wish her sisters could take notes and learn something about life from her.  The biggest thing is that she's learned to live with little and to value family and friends...When people ask her how she survives on the little money she has, she says, I don't buy anything I don't really need.  Couldn't we all learn from her?   At 18, she is wise and learns from others' mistakes...My other girls, while wonderful in their own rights, are "experiential" learners and have to learn on their own....While it is still a valid way to learn, it's hard for me as a mom to watch all that heartache!  KIDS!!!!   No wonder we get gray hair and wrinkles....Though, I'm so very blessed that they still take less of a hard road than some kids do with alcohol and drugs.   YEAH!

I'm also blessed to have some wonderful friends, both in person and on-line, who stand behind me even when I"m stressed and feeling crazy about time like I am now...thank you!

Well, I have a lot of things to get ready for my class this week...it's a doozy!   Keep me in your prayers and may God bless you too.

Feeling Powerful

At Sunday Scribblings, the question was asked when have you felt most powerful?

I think now, at this very moment, I have felt more powerful than any other time in my life.  Now, I have a mate who supports me and my dreams and accepts me for who I am, faults and all.  I feel that as a woman I have more opportunities and avenues to take in my life than women before me, especially my grandmother.  I can do most any job I want within my capabilities.  It is even acceptable for people of all ages to return back to school for a second, third or fourth career, or go back to school at the age of 62 like my friend and just enjoy taking a class because you love learning.  I have the money to do many things I want, within reason...and the world has opened many opportunities to travel that weren't available before.

Yes, I think it would be now I feel most powerful...not held back by a man, age, country or religion, or money.  And because I know myself better, I cannot even hold myself back from something I truly want.  I am most blessed, and thus, this entry shall also count for my Sunday Blessings as well.  Thank you.

Word Warriors

My teenage years were rough as well as my early 20's through various tragic events.  Through writing with my "word warriors" I was able to slash through those dragons and find healing on the other side.  I didn't know at the time that writing saved me.

Here is my contribution for Sunday Scribblings:

No Just a Barren Waterhole

By Marie Lukasik Wallace

Thought to be just a dusty, barren waterhole to some as it lies in the furthest corner of a rancher’s neglected property, but its loveliness is endeared by me.  It’s sprinkled with bluebonnets, and there is a strong old mesquite tree whose branches are heavily laden with my tears and my dreams, for it would embrace me when no one would.  This place was my sanctuary, my dreamkeeper…

As dusk settled around my dungeon at home, and all were sleeping, it was time for my vigil to start and let the healing begin.  With paper in hand, I would escape through a window, climb the prickly barbed fence past the “no trespassing” sign to the freedom and harmony of my secret place of refuge.  As I sat in reverence of the solitude, I could hear the calming stillness of the night, scattered with cricket chirps and cicada songs.  Lightning bugs visited often.  I watched the brilliance of the moon as it graced the water so elegantly, weaving me into a trance.

The trance allowed my feelings to flow freely and words came alive as the events of my life ran through my mind.  Through writing, I discovered the innermost parts of me, both the warrior and the princess.  I engaged in battle when the ugly heads of fear, loneliness, and teenage turmoil pierced the surface of my serene world.  The mighty sword of my word warrior would come crashing down on them, leaving the misery, but taking the life’s lesson with me.  On other occasions when I was blessed with the beauty and power of nature surrounding me, the princess in me would gracefully dance in celebration of friendship, love, and life.  I became strong, almost invincible, through my characters and imagination in this enchanted kingdom.

Even now, I can close my eyes, breathe in the mesquite, taste the rain, see the moon over the water, and feel its magi envelop me and remind me of all that took place there.  And, the peace washes over me again.

Just a barren waterhole to some, but it was a site of hope and renewed life to me.  No greater place have I known.

Sunday Blessings

Yet another beautiful, awesome Sunday in which to be thankful.  My week was better toward the end....the beginning was still filled with uncertainty, tiredness and yes, some crying children who missed their moms...in the end, they were learning the boundaries and figuring out some routines.  That was cool...Friday was pretty smooth and gave me hope again.  People don't realize how challenging it is to get 23-24 Kindergarten bodies all on the same page, especially when they all want to go in different directions!  In Idaho, we still don't have all day kindergarten (and it's not madated by law), so we still have quite a few kids that haven't ever been exposed to a classroom.  Parents are in awe when they spend the day with me because they don't realize all the things that go into making a successful learner or a successful school day...but we get it done and have a good time.  Friday, we were all happy, and NO CRYING!  YEAH!

Sunday Scribblings is about The End.  I'm in agreement with Guatami in that with an end there seems to be a sadness and a sense of loss for a loved, relished adventure, but nature always has a way of carving a path of new growth and new beginnings.  Those of you who have been reading my posts know that it's been difficult for me because my daughter leaves for Portland in two weeks.  And though I'm very excited for her, it's the beginning of the end of a cherished era of being a mom.  My oldest daughter has decided to stay for a little bit longer, but she's never home.

The nest is changing and reforming and it's time to build a different nest.  What shall I make it of?  Shall I change jobs?  Shall I change interests?  Create new possibilities or recharge old possibilities?  Shall I write that romance book or children's book that I've always wanted?  What is my identity now?  That's the biggest question of all.

The challenge of building a new nest, possibly one of my last nests, is that I want the materials to be the best quality, and I want the nest to be comfortable and peaceful and cozy enough for me and my husband.  I get to relearn who this man is who helped me raise these girls...I get to find new growth and a way to grow old together, happily.  It feels strange contemplating this, and yet, exciting thinking of all the possibilities and directions I can go.....

Good news!  I am taking a printmaking class, and though I stink at drawing...yes, I have limited skills, the teacher wants me to stay.  There is no time like the present, and she said she would help me get better.  I'm so excited about this!  She was supportive and caring, and wanted to be there to assist me in my dream of being an artist.  One class at a time, one piece of art at a time, I will be there...new growth...slow growth.  This week I shall make a post to show you what I'm doing.  Remember, the skills are basic, but it will be fun to show you the process.

I do know that in addition to art, my future includes many friendships and writing...because these things sustain me and bring me happiness.  I LOVE creating.  I LOVE the feeling of completion. 

So my friends, thanks for being there for me.  I look forward to visiting you on this blessed Sunday for a little bit, and then I go boating!  YEAH!  Bless you.

The Telephone Game

Usually Sundays are to talk about my blessings, and in a way, this talks about my celebration of having a direct connection with my God...However, in a conversation this week wherein I wanted to tell my friend about a new church I wanted to visit, someone whom I don't know began spewing Thou Shalts at me because I hadn't been to church in awhile.  I got the sinking feeling I knew where this conversation was going, and stopped him.  But he inspired this poem and a lot of thought about who my God is and what my true purpose so this is my blessing.

The Telephone Game

You practiced your preaching

On me today

While I was in the midst of celebrating

A new house of God.

   *

Wagging your finger

Because I haven’t been to church.

Imposing religion on me

And spewing forth

Your “thou shalt” vomit

Of what our God wants from me.

   *

I held up my hand to shield its splatter

And fortunately you stopped.

You see, I have a problem

When someone thumps their bible words at me

And does not LIVE the word.

   *

Church can be a new addiction

For those recovering.

Church can be a crutch

To avoid facing your veritable purpose.

                  *

Church can be like the telephone game

Full of he said, she said, they saids

And losing full meaning of the original

Message by everyone’s interpretation.

                *

I choose a direct connection with my God.

               *

When He calls, I answer.

And the message is clear

When the line is not corrupt.

Then, and only then, can I be judged

By Him who hath the true message.

                    *

And now this House of God

That I wanted to visit to connect with His people

Has been challenged

For it is the judgment of those like you

That keeps me home.

Dear Diary

This post is in honor of both Sunday Scribblings and my wish to remember my blessings for the week.  It's not so much a secret but a celebration.

Dear Diary,

I just put my dearest sister on the plane today.  Each, and every time I do that, I cry...no, I weep..It is so heartfelt because I miss her kindred spirit.  I miss the wonderful bond of understanding and kindness we have toward one another...I miss her joy and loveliness being around.  The world IS a better place because of her caring, loving ways.  We have so much fun and laughter together, and we have the same interests...On the sad side, we both spend more time working than playing, but we're working to change that....We are soooooooo good together that it's an unbelieveable relationship for others to understand as it's almost as if we have one mind.  If we were to live near each other, I'm not sure what would happen...I feel the world would benefit because when we work on a project together, it's amazing!   No one else would get a word in because we'd be so busy saying and doing the words "and then, and then"...I wish everyone were blessed like me.  Oh, I wish upon a star that we will someday be together again soon so that this longing and missing would go away.  For now, I shall thank God for the blessings of her.

Dear Diary - entry #2,

I also want to tell you that my beautiful niece Ana came to visit me.  Opportunity to get to know her in the past has not been generous as she lived in Germany for awhile, but I loved getting to know her this week.  She is creative and strong and loving and kind...She's also one of the hardest workers I've known.  Strikingly beautiful, easy to talk to and agreeable and pleasant to be around.  Who would have thought an 18 year old could hold such an adult conversation and be sympathetic and empathetic towards others.    Yes, she's truly unselfish too.  Besides that, she can write and paint too...  Though I haven't really gotten to know her until this weekend, I feel I've known her all my life because she is warm and wonderful.  Thank you Ana for coming to visit me.  I hope next time will not be so long.

Thank you God for blessing my life with these beautiful, generous people.

Have a blessed day.

love,

Marie

Blessings from those who faced Adversity

It is Sunday, and I HAVE to write about a beautiful blessing I received this week...It could go along the lines of triumphing in the face of adversity.....My daughter's boyfriend, just completed drug court, and we went to his graduation...What an amazing journey for these young people...Here is what I admired, after being in a living hell for many years of their young lives, losing everything they had,  they made a "decision" to take on their lives fully and completely.   They described the awful journey of losing jobs, family, friendships, self and soul...These people literally lost everything and faced the bottomless pit, AND they climbed out.  I have faced adversity, but nothing like these young people have.  They showed us before pictures where their eyes were lifeless and pockets of hatred and self loathing...then they showed us pictures of them today.  If eyes are the windows of the souls, they reflected joy, compassion, and self love...They received a gift of life.  I thought they gained more from this program than most people of this world, love for themselves.  The program taught them confidence and self trust, and I was amazed at the results.  66% graduated.  66% are off the streets.  66% are productive members of society and out of the jails...better yet, 20% went into the program without jobs and 97% came out with jobs...WOW!

They hold the ceremony at the courthouse, complete with judge and a prosecutor, as this program is a conditon of these kids' probation.  What an amazing program that provides counseling, fellowship, friendship, personal guide on the side...in addition to a level of steps (each step providing them with more privileges).  After two very strict years and guidelines and levels to meet, they get their lives back...

I had to write this because I witnessed people regaining their souls from they made a decision to live.  Josh, my soon to be son-in-law, is likeable and loveable, and I would be proud to call him my son...Thank you Josh for all your hard work and dedication.  I am proud of your journey; I am proud of you...You will make a huge difference in this world.

An Ocean Conversation

This is for my Sunday Scribblings...I enjoyed writing it so much I thought I'd share it on this blog too..

The ocean bid me to have a private conversation with her so I came.  She spoke of her allegiance   to man, providing him all his basic needs. She rocks the boats in her bosom & coddles them from the storm; trickles her life sustaining force into their thirsty mouths; and gathers vitamins for their sturdy nets.

We talked of our joy and peace and making children dance.

And before the dawn broke, we talked of loneliness, sadness and shame. Then we gently bowed our heads in prayer for some relief.

We have a lot in common, the ocean and I...maybe it is my turn to rock her and coddle her.

And She Soars

This week for Sunday Scribblings the post was about wings...and I have two links...here is  a poem for my daughter Kelci who is graduating...This post is for Kendra.  Yesterday, I watched Kendra, a child who has had quite a few struggles from choosing hard, SOAR!  For her birthday, I surprised her with a skydive.  It was beautiful and almost breathtaking to watch her take this leap of faith.  If any of you have ever done a ROPES course before, you know what I'm talking about.  You are asked to go beyond your fears and to trust...trust your teachers, trust God, but mostly, to trust yourself and just GO FOR IT!!...she was absolutely sparkling...a shining star...a tower of strength...I saw the power in her that I saw in her as a little girl, and I was so very proud...She couldn't believe it; and now, every time she doubts, I can show her the pictures and the video of a woman, who was brave beyond her fears and conquered...and floated...and just enjoyed peace for a moment.  Here are some pictures.  I hope they inspire you like they inspired me.  Isn't she beautiful? 

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