creative faery

Exciting Art News!

Some of you know, I've been in a basic art class for the last 4 weeks, and I must say it's taken its toll on me in the form of feeling not only inadequate, but without an artistic bone in my body.  I've come home from school raked over by critiques, which are supposed to be helpful, but sometimes they just make you feel worse when you're having a difficult time producing an adequate piece.  What my classmates don't know is that unlike them, I've only been doing art (messing around) for under a year...no drawing, no painting, maybe a few crafty things... and when my work is placed next to theirs, it looks juvenile, and yes, like a kindergarten child has produced it.  For me, my art has come a long, long way!  And the teacher did say he would grade each of us on how much "we" improve individually...yet the grades have not reflected this.  Daily my work has been compared to those who have a long history of "living" in art...

However, this week, with much dedication and very, very hard work, I got a 94 on my painting!  There were still mistakes and things to fix, but it was colorful, with smooth transitions and not sloppy.  I was rewarded!  yeah!  AND to make the week even better, I got an "A" on an article I wrote on advertising.  Please don't take this as bragging, but a HUGE celebration for an artist who was about to quit and felt beyond hope.  I am writing you because I KNOW there are artists out there who feel much the same as I do...but we all have to be beginners sometime, and we won't get any better with dry brushes and no paint anywhere.

Here's to say, GO FOR IT!  Keep plugging away...and it will slowly (sometimes very slowly) unfold for you...your vision will begin to unblur and your purpose revealed.  Do I still have a LONG way to go?  Yes, I do!  But even the greats had slumps and moments of distrust and inadequacy...For now, let's celebrate!
Next week is my last week, and I'll be doing a self-portrait (not painting or anything), but something with words or fun...Keep me in your thoughts and well wishes!

Debut of Aryana

  The latest addition to our family!  Aryana 7 pounds 4 oz.

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Heavenly Angel Returning and Blessings

A beautiful angel, one of my kindergarteners went home to her Heavenly Father this week.  It was a tragic accident.  One which left the tiny community I teach in devastated.  It was a weird accident.  Their family was driving near a cliff near their house when a 250 pound rock landed only on her side of the car, killing her instantly.  Her family is really having a difficult time because this young girl was a lot like my little sunshine, happy and bright all the time.  The picture slides they showed of her made the whole church crumble because it's a great loss of joy to our community.  Her sister is the one I'm most worried about because they were so very close and she was sitting next to her.  I know how close my daughters are and how tragic that would be if they were separated.  I can't imagine what this is doing to her.  God must of really needed a bright spirit in heaven.  I know she's dancing there because you could always find her dancing.  Her magnificent spirit will be sorely missed.

Some blessings for this week have been our bright sunny days and finally the feeling of summer.  It's awesome!   I breathe sunshine and feel like myself again.  The flowers are blooming all around so beautifully.  (pictures later)

I'm learning a lot in school and stretching myself so much.  I never knew one subject, art, could make me smile and cry at the same time.  I also never knew it would be so crazy difficult!!!!   Where I hope I'm blessed in the future is really getting proportions and how to balance something...and maybe get a little swifter on coming up with ideas for these abstract projects.  It's challenging when you don't even know or understand what these projects are about...but they're fun, and I'm growing in ways I didn't think were possible.

So hey, here's to ART in ALL its glory!  AND here's to YOU in having a great week.

Bringing My Baby Back

It's finally sunny today...and all I can say is that it's because I'm bringing my baby back from Portland!  Even my cat knows...funny thing, he ALWAYS hangs out downstairs in our closet; but today, he was sleeping upstairs in HER closet.  Animals are so smart!

YEAH!   I'm so excited to see her and more excited she'll be nearby and that the visits won't seem so few and far between.  There's nothing like having your children come home.  She's very independent now and so grown up.  I'm very proud of her because she's learned financial freedom (so far) and how to live on a tight budget and a very small space.  I think she'll be very happy.  The most important part, she seems to not let boys interfere with her goals....that's cool!

Part of me is sad because now she's entering the world of grown-ups.  I wish she could have stayed in Portland to attend college one more year and just have fun and learn in a less stressful environment. But out-of-state tuition, even with scholarships, is way too expensive.  I want her to just enjoy the college experience without all the responsibilities we have as adults.  She'll still attend Boise State, but she wants to live on her own and be near the college...which means, learning to juggle a job and friends and school...not that she can't do that, because she did it very well in high school.  It's just that we get to have all those responsibilities for so very long.

What I get to remember is that she's HAPPY!  ANNNNND, SHE'S HOME!   I'll take pictures and put them up next week so you can see my sunshine girls!  Both of them are doing soooo well...

Have blessed day...talk to you soon.

Dry Spell in a wet town

So, my writer friends...I have now been officially on vacation for the last 5 days...and I must say, the first 3, spent in Seattle were amazing...now, the last 2 days, I've been sort of "wandering" - in and out of projects, in and out of sleep, in and out of cleaning...just a wanderer.  It's the first time in years, when I wasn't running full pace to get somewhere, and I must say I feel relaxed, but somewhat lost - and without direction.  There are no sunny days here (which usually energizes me)...I suppose it doesn't even feel like summer, which could be part of the problem.  It's COLD!

The dry spell comes with writing...I've had this deep desire to write, but I really can't think of what to write about.  But since, I've been random at everything else, thought I'd be random at writing too, I guess.  I looked at the prompts in my regular stops, and I didn't even get a nibble.  But, Natalie Goldberg, in Writing Down the Bones, assures me that if I should just sit down and write those random thoughts, I will get somewhere...well...hmmmmmmmm....still...NOTHING!

My main wish for today is to find direction and a plan so I don't waste this precious time.  I do have a little direction.  I'm taking a fun art class at Boise State - basic design.  It's interesting and occupies        4 1/2 hours a day.  But it goes by fast.  I know I should be getting ready for the next school year because I have a million things to do, but just can't seem to get there...again, because it doesn't feel like summer.

For now, my friends, just know that I shall just be enjoying you...reading your thoughts should get my juices flowing.  I promise to come back, so stick with me!

Have a glorious day!

Teaching - A blessing and a curse

Teaching...is a blessing and a curse...a freedom and hand cuffs...

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE teaching, and frankly, it's the one thing I'm confident that I'm pretty good at.  You should be good at what you love.  But it's all encompassing...there are times when you can't stop thinking about it...Did I do that lesson right?  How can I make it better?    What does that child need that I'm not giving them? What tools can I give the parents who are struggling?  What about next year?  And I haven't finished this year!!!

Would I trade it?  Not now, it feels as if there are still things I need to do...for my own learning experience and for the kids.  Because the "ah ha s" and the light bulb moments...because of the purest joy you'll ever see...the closest connection you'll ever have to God (that can speak) is right there in my little classroom in a very small corner of the world.  If you could see my kids practicing for their program sing "What a Wonderful World," your heart would melt and you'd be dribbly puddle on the floor...yes, a muddled mess...They make their parents proud and yearn for that pure sweetness that their "mini me" provides them.  It's the one moment they aren't driving you crazy.

This time of year is wearing on me...mostly because I get very emotional.  When you spend hours with these cute little guys, and their "magic" ways, you can't help but feel a bond, an attachment...and then you return them to their parents, to the world, for others to enjoy... and all you get then is a fleeting moment down the hallway, if ever again...and you really, really miss them!  It's like being a foster parent...and I never thought I would be able to do that because of the emotional scarring and tearing.  But each little person who comes into my life reminds me just a little more each day, not only my purpose of why God put me here, but what is important...so if even for a moment I get that window of opportunity to connect with my maker I will take it.  For I know this painful loss I'm feeling, only means for a moment in time I bonded with another and saw into their soul...and I felt pure joy.

This summer may I act like a 5 year old - remember to throw paint on everything!  To make friends whether I know their names or not...to dance right where I am, even if it's in the middle of the grocery store, because that is what a 5 year old would do...they'd just LIVE as God intended...there is very little worry in these little guys because they know to just Be.

Bless you all on this "Memorial" weekend as you remember and care for those wonderful soldiers and loved ones past and present.

McCall Retreat

Winding down...Yesterday, my husband and I went to McCall.  It's still one of the most beautiful and serene places on earth, and I can enjoy it just two hours from my home. There were very few people there by the lake, because it's still covered with snow...My husband just wanted to get away from the bustle of our daily lives.  I used to do this a lot as a little girl because we lived in the country and went to school in the city.  I got to experience daily retreats of solitude, which is difficult when you live with a family of 8...but I had a pond (neighbor's pond actually) that I would go to and write and just "be."   It felt a lot like the land of Narnia, because could be anything I wanted to be...pretending often...This is where I became a word warrior.  I loved writing and playing with words and witnessing all that was there in this kingdom...I fought my inner battles in this place, and I think it saved my life...I miss that haven.

I wish I was good at shutting out the world without this sanctuary, but I'm not...I let things come in and bug me to the point of self torture.  I neeeeed mother nature to center me and balance me.

The lake is still peaceful and calm because man can't take those noisy boats through yet...and you can just hear the sounds of mother nature, birds gathering and nesting, water gently moving, trees shaking...  After I trekked through the piles of snow, still about 6" thick in many places, I laid on a gnarly old log laying on the beach and soaked some vitamin "D."  I love the sun...It vitalizes and nourishes me...Why don't I take these retreats more often?

I feel more calm and ready to finish the year.  Two more weeks...may I remain patient with these children who have seemingly really lost their minds and forgotten how to be in school.  We're back to the first few days of a lot of crying...I think their anxiousness is due to worries of what will happen next year.  They just realized that I won't be continuing with them next year, which symbolizes another change and another person to get used to outside of mom.  It's scary, and it's hard.  I have to remember this and talk with them and ease them through this tough time.  Friday, they got to experience what it was like to be in first grade because they got to stay all day and eat lunch with the "big" kids and have buddies to do projects with...It's very cool!  For those of you who are so good at praying for me as I am on this journey, please put in an extra prayer...I'll need it... 

7 Random Facts

I was tagged by  Valaine   :) The Rules: I am to share 7 weird or random facts about myself and then ask 7 others to do the same by commenting on their blogs, list them and link back to the one who tagged me.

Let's see...this week I was told I was not "normal," so it should be relatively easy to share random and weird facts about myself huh?

1.  Bursts of energy - I've always been energetic, able to survive on very little sleep...these bursts of energy sometimes has me going in many directions at once...however, when focused, I can accomplish so much!   It also causes me to be weird because I get bored and have to entertain myself and bring joy to others in random ways.  (I used to be shy, but have come out of my shell in the last few years because I really like people.)  So, here's what I do at school, I ask them "Is your Mama a Llama?" It's a popular children's book that rhymes.  It takes people aback and makes them laugh.  I have a few people at school whom I ask quite often, and now I say, "is she?"  It's hilarious.  When I went traveling this spring, I found llama signs on buildings and even a no crossing llama sign.  It's been fun to use with my kids at school.  Then I ask if she's from the Bahamas and wears red pajamas and creates llama drama.

2) I LOVE to learn!  You can find me taking classes in just about anything.  I like all kinds of subjects and have varied interests.  I like the challenge learning brings me.  I also like overcoming those difficulties.  (Right now, art is kicking my butt!  But I will conquer one day!!!)  This week an 18 year old in my class was really curious why I was "going back to school," and I said, I'm just continuing my journey and will probably take classes the rest of my life.  She was quite puzzled by that...

3) Adventure sports - I haven't done a lot lately, but to overcome fears, I do adventure sports.  I've been skydiving, bungee jumping, white water rafting, and cliff diving.  I still have a fear of heights, but I'll go if someone goes with me.  I still can't be first.  (don't know why) 

4) roller coaster junkie - give me ANY rollercoaster, and I'll do it!  And yes, I'll be first and up front on these.  I've always wanted to go to Cedar Point , but it's so expensive...we just might get there this summer.  If not, definitely next summer.

5)  I ADORE music and have always wanted to play the piano...so I began teaching myself.  I do okay and can read the treble clef notes, but have a difficult time memorizing bass clef.  Now that I have more time on my hands, I can probably conquer this..but we're back to the I have too many interests going on right now...maybe I'll pick it up this summer.  I'd love to be like Valaine with the guitar and play for hours, but it doesn't sound that great yet.   Time and practice, as always.

6)  I inherited my grandmother's piles...My grandmother was wheelchair bound for about 30 or more years, and because she couldn't bend down or reach or gather...she kept envelopes stacked in the pockets of her wheelchair...so even when she seemingly couldn't make a pile she did!  And now, even when I don't want to, I find little piles of papers I don't want to file or incomplete tasks.  I really hate it!

7)  I'm just a weirdo...I love having fun and making people laugh...I make random noises like growls or laughs or saying outrageous things like the "your mama is a llama thing..." just to see a smile or change up someone's name.   Joy is what it's all about.

I'll have to tag someone later because my husband is bugging me to go get coffee and he's tired of waiting!  ha-ha... Have a blessed day.

Happy Mother's Day

Good Morning!  And happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful, beautiful moms out there!  You are generous and giving and nurturing not only to your own children, but the children of the world, and you are valued.  I remember many women in my life who filled in the space of mom because my mom was absent.  I don't know where I would be today without these amazing women in my life.  You never know when something you do, even a small act, is revered and treasured by another.  I can't tell you how many acts of kindness have been given to me...and though I try to acknowledge these gifts when I can, there are many times I am unable to give thanks in a proper way, and I whisper them to the Universe in hopes they will be carried to the intended.  May your day be blessed!

I have come up for air!  My drawing class has ended, which makes me sad and happy at the same time.  I feel a great load lifted, and a normally crazy last few weeks of school somehow doesn't seem as crazy as these past few months, so I'm actually feeling lighter!  I'm sad because this class was a gift to me and to my art.  I learned things I never thought I could learn, and I can do things I never that I could...though not as good as most in the class, I feel a great sense of accomplishment for being diligent and following through.  It's very difficult to continue on when you know you are one of the worst in the class.  (It's not a harsh judgement; you should see the way these people draw!)  I have to keep reminding myself to compare myself with only myself, even though the teacher is comparing me with everyone else.   I shall have to post a picture of my favorite drawing.  It's my first portrait!  We had to smush our face on the copier and make a funny face.  It was one of the most fun projects!  I did pretty good, though I need to be more careful about transitions of value...but it was fun, and I learned a lot, and it looks like a person!  It even looks like a squishy me!  ha-ha...

 

Have a wondermous, blessed day everyone!

Sunday Blessings

Whenever I feel overwhelmed or that life is kicking my butt, I have to remember what blessings I have and how far I've come since I was a child...  It is nearing the end of my school year, and I have so much to do, and not near enough energy or time to complete it all.  I must be still and calm and remember that all is well...what needs to be done will be done, and the rest will have to wait...My topmost priority is to love, love, love my students and nurture them and enjoy them for the small time I have left.  The best thing about this new school is that I get to see most of these kids for another 6 years!  The last school only allowed me to see them in 1st grade, and then they moved to another school.  I am blessed.

I miss my writing, especially poetry...it's poetry month, and I haven't written a single poem!  I've assisted my students with theirs, but alas, my well seems dry.  It will come.  The summertime brings many great opportunities, usually when I'm in the middle of my art.

Yesterday was my birthday, and my husband bought us both a pedicure.  He's never had one in his life!  However, the best part was that we got two whole hours with this really nice girl, relaxing and calming while we got pampered...then, I went to my writing meetings...it was exciting...I bet you think that's weird to enjoy a meeting?  These are the ONLY ones I look forward to because we have a fellowship of writers who get together and decide where we are going next with the BSU project.  It's a time of sharing and learning about each other's lives (something we don't get to do during a school year) and bounce ideas off each other.  I enjoy the comraderie and the creativity...I'd enjoy it more if we had a regular writing group where we wrote together and shared it like we did when we started the project...It will come.  I have faith!  Then my daughter came over with her friends and we joked and played around....all my family called, and I felt loved...Went to bed with a smile on my face!

It's a beautiful day outside, so we're going for a walk.  We haven't had this kind of sunshine and warmth in awhile.  Time to soak some vitamin "D," and yes, I'll wear my sunscreen.

Have a wondermous week my friends!  And may you be blessed in all the ways you deserve.  Don't forget, YOU ROCK!